Preparing children for the arrival of a new sibling

By Dr. B. J. C. Perera MBBS(Ceylon), DCH(Ceylon), DCH(England), MD(Paediatrics), FRCP(Edinburgh), FRCP(London), FRCPCH(United Kingdom), FSLCPaed, FCCP, FCGP(Sri Lanka) Consultant Paediatrician

The arrival of a new baby can bring many changes to a family. Parents spend a lot of energy on preparations and getting things sorted out prior to the arrival of the new baby. After the baby arrives, much of the family’s attention involves meeting the newborn’s basic needs. When there are older children, one must remember the impact of the phenomenon on them. All this change can be hard for older siblings to handle. It is quite common for them to feel jealous toward the newborn and to react to the upheaval by acting out. However, parents can prepare their children for an addition to the family. Discussing the pregnancy in terms that make sense to children, making some arrangements and including the child or children in the care of the newborn can make things easier for everyone.

Sibling rivalry usually starts right after or even before the arrival of the second child or subsequent children. The older child often becomes aggressive, "acts out" or even regresses. This regression means acting more like a little baby. Examples are the child wanting a bottle or passing urine in his or her pants and clothes.   It is quite important to prepare an older child when the parents know that the mother is pregnant. Older siblings need to know what to expect and they need time to adjust. Even after the baby arrives, there are many things that one could do to make the adjustment easier. It must be remembered that having a new baby in the family may be one of the tougher things that an older child has to deal with.  However, it may eventually be one of the greatest gifts that the parents can give them.

There is no right time or perfect way to tell a child about an impending sibling arrival. When discussing the pregnancy, it is necessary to consider the parents own comfort level and the child’s maturity level. Preschoolers, for example, may not grasp concepts of time, so it might not mean much if one says that the baby will arrive in a few months. It may be more useful to explain that the baby will arrive in a particular season, referring to perhaps festive days such as the New Year or Christmas or Deepavali. The little ones will then understand the timing.

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